Worst Laid Plans
by prettywhiteclouds
Summary: Darcy and Peter save the galaxy and annoy everyone in the process. (Part One of Chasing Starlight)
1. Chapter 1

It started with a crash and a boom and various other onomatopoeia that accompany explosions. It wasn't huge, like most of Stark's were, but it was big enough to garner a "What the fuckin' shit?!" out of Darcy.

Not that it really took much for that to happen. Jane started to feel bad taking all of Darcy's hard-earned barista money and got rid of the swear jar after the first week of her internship. Darcy was required to reign it in when she started working for SHIELD after London. It was her first real, professional, paying, office-y job and she didn't want to fuck it up. Of course, Captain America went and blew up her job after only three months. Darcy took a sabbatical after that, if "sabbatical" meant moving back in with her parents and mooching. Luckily, Jane had a connection for her and Darcy was near the end of her rope after two months of her mom repeating neighborhood gossip and lamenting her daughter's lackluster life. Stark Industries might have required Pepper Potts-level professionalism, but working with the Stark himself gave her a lot of leeway.

"What did you do, Lewis?" Tony screamed from his bedroom. "I thought you were dropping off paperwork, not a fucking A-bomb!"

Darcy peered over the back of the sofa. She had managed to spectacularly vault herself over the piece of furniture and was 95% sure she only broke half of her ass.

"I'm not dead. Thanks for asking, jerk!" she yelled back. She stood and looked around the penthouse. There was no damage inside, but she could see some serious weirdness on the other side of the large glass windows.

"Yeah, you're not gonna like this, " she called over her shoulder. "Please get out here so I can memorize your reaction and keep it in my pocket for when I'm sad."

Tony stumbled out of the bedroom with a shirt half on and pants unzipped. He looked at Darcy, then out the window and his jaw fell to the floor. "Oh my god. Why do aliens hate my tower? What have I ever done to them?"

Darcy considered the aircraft that had thoroughly munched its landing (and observed a moment of silence for the awesome jacuzzi.) It didn't look particularly otherworldly, but Darcy would be the first to admit that she knew jack shit about aero-anything. Best to trust Tony on science, if nothing else.  
Definitely nothing else.

They stood in the living room and alternated looking at the craft and looking at each other.

"The last time I made first contact, I tazed it. And you're way too abrasive and obnoxious to serve as Earth's ambassador. Should we call someone?" Darcy looked at Tony expectantly. "Better yet, Jarvis, where's Thor?"

"He is currently dining with Dr. Foster on the common residential level," Jarvis quickly replied.

"Call him up, Jarv. Thor can all-speak with whatever it is and keep Tony from getting us killed."

Tony turned to her to say something, scowling, but Darcy quickly slapped her hand over his mouth and dragged him back behind the sofa.

"Shh! Look! It's opening," she whispered. "Don't let it see us. It could have a shrink ray or tentacles or laser guns or calculus questions."

Tony rolled his eyes and licked her hand.

"Ugh, EW. You are disgusting. I am giving you to the alien and encouraging experimentation," she said, wiping her hand on her jeans.

"Well, it looks like just a guy to me," said Tony, pointing outside. "A guy wearing way too much leather for summer and carrying a gun that I want."

Darcy turned her attention back to the ship. The dude climbed out of it and onto the ground. He was wearing a lot of leather - where do they get leather in space? Are there space cows?! - and looked fairly human. She squinted to see his face and groaned. "Goddammit! Why are there so many hot aliens?"

"Preliminary scans show that our visitor is not completely alien and is maintaining a normal body temperature," Jarvis stated.

"Not helping, Jarv."

Leather dude scanned his surroundings and stopped when he spotted Darcy staring over the back of the couch. He waved. She hesitated and waved back.

"Why are you waving at the alien, Lewis?" Tony questioned.

"Because I don't want to be rude to the alien with the gun!" she answered with the most condescending tone she could muster.

The alien walked towards the windows, smiled, and mouthed "Door?" Darcy pointed to it.

"Now you're telling him how get in? Wanna give him my car keys and credit card too?" said Tony, a look of disgust on his face.

She frowned back and tapped his nose with her finger. "Fix your face or it'll stay like that," she said, standing. "He smiled nicely, Tony. Bad aliens don't do that. And he said 'door' so he probably knows English."

Said hot alien found the door and walked into the penthouse.

"Well, your house is awesome. Sorry I broke it," he said. He glanced around the room and put his gun in its holster.

"I know and it happens all the time," Tony said, walking towards the guy and stopping ten feet away. He crossed his arms. "Who and what the hell are you?"

"Star-Lord. Also, your fly's down." Tony zipped it up without breaking his glare.

"Thanks, but I'm gonna need a lot more info. Are you human? Are you a bad guy? I just woke up and need at least ten cups of coffee before I start fighting bad guys."

"I'm mostly human and not a bad guy, usually. Name's Peter Quill," he said.

"Peter's a pretty Earth-y name, but you have a freaking spaceship. What's the deal?" Darcy asked. Peter gave her a once-over and flashed a grin that she figured he would consider charming. She'd call it smarmy and/or dopey. He looked out at his ship and shrugged.

"Yeah, badass, I know. Long story short, I was born here and grew up in space. Now I save people and galaxies. No big deal."

Tony frowned. "And do we need saving?"

"Kinda? Probably?" Peter said, turning back to Tony and tilting his head like a puppy.

"Ever heard of Thanos?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Thanos," a booming voice called from across the penthouse. "I know this name. What reason would he have to prey on Midgard?" Thor quickly crossed the living space with his large strides. Jane jogged to keep up at his side. Darcy noticed that Jane had gotten dressed in her typical flannel and jeans but Thor was still in sweatpants. Spider-man sweatpants. Darcy bit her tongue very, very hard. She was a _professional_, okay?

"Who's Thanos?" Jane asked and her eyes widened as she took in the took in the situation outside. "Tony - the balcony - what?" Tony slowly nodded with a grimace.

"Yes, Jane, the jacuzzi is gone."

"I'm really sorry, okay? I'll get you a new jack-oozy, whatever that is." Peter said quickly. "More importantly - Thanos. He's a bad guy. Pretty much the baddest." Peter held out his had to Thor. "You an alien too? Peter Quill slash Star-Lord, legendary former outlaw."

Darcy rolled her eyes. "Dude, that's Thor. He's, like, your space royalty. Sailor Asgard."

"Lady Darcy, Asgard's rule does not extend to all of space and I have told you that I do not sail." Thor said to her, then took Peter's hand and shook it. "I am Thor, prince of Asgard. This is Doctor Jane Foster." He turned back to the group while Peter stared at him, mouth gaping. "Thanos is known to be one of the most dangerous and powerful beings in the universe. If he has ill will towards Midgard, we will need to do whatever possible to stop him."

"Well, shit. That doesn't sound good." Tony frowned and tapped a finger between his eyebrows. "What does he want?"

Peter shook his head and turned back to Tony. "Been chasing his minions everywhere trying to track him down. We know he's looking for infinity stones and that is no good. These things are bad joojoo and he'll use them to do some really messed up things - like, probably destroying the galaxy and everybody who lives in it. We've tracked multiple stone signatures to Earth, so we know he's going to hit here soon."

"We?" Tony raised both eyebrows.

"Er- yeah. We. My buddies are hanging out in the ship. I thought it would be best if I warmed up the crowd first. They're not from around here."

"Okay, interesting, but more importantly... what are these 'stones'?" Tony looked at Peter like he was just slightly crazy. Darcy would have agreed. but Thor was a pretty trustworthy guy. If he thought this Thanos was bad news, then there was some bad shit coming their way.

"Well, I have some experts back in the ship, and they can definitely explain it better than me. You gotta promise to be cool, though. Definitely with Rocket. _Especially with Rocket._"

"Who names their kid, Rocket?" Darcy took off her glasses and wiped them with her shirt. She put them back on and looked Peter up and down. "Is he another 'legendary outlaw?" she drawled.

"Former." Peter ducked his head and scratched his chin. "And he's a raccoon. So, again, be cool. Gamora is green, Drax is, well, Drax, and Groot is a tree."

Tony, Jane, and Darcy blinked comically slow.

"How can someone _be_ a tree?" Jane said, squinting.

Darcy held in the trillions of Lord of the Rings comments threatening to burst. This situation, despite the absolute absurdity, seemed to call for a higher degree of seriousness than she was used to handling. She had just gotten used to living and working with superheroes and now a gaggle of aliens had come in the front door. She worried that her Hello Kitty pajamas weren't the best for intergalactic political discussions. (There was no way she was wearing slacks to work on a Sunday.)

Peter started to walk backwards to the door leading outside. "I'm going to grab my crew. Be right back."

Tony was the first to speak once the door closed. "Okay, it looks like we'll have the funky bunch here in a minute or two. Thor and Jane, I'll need you with me on this deciphering whatever horrible alien disaster they're going to tell us about. Darcy, coffee. All of it. I will need all of the coffee in the world to deal with whatever weird shit is about to go down."

Thor and Jane nodded. Darcy glared at Tony. "Really, Tony? You guys are going to work on the potentially Earth-destroying problem and I'm being sent on a Starbucks run?" Tony just glared back. "OK, you're right. I know nothing, Tony Stark." Darcy tried her best not to pout and walked to the kitchen to grab her handbag.

The door opened and everyone whipped towards it.

"That... is a fucking tree."

Thor pointed at her. "Be cool, Lady Darcy."

* * *

Introductions were quick. Darcy knew that was a good idea because there was no way she could spend any amount of time contemplating the new arrivals and how much she wanted to pet the furry one. She didn't think he'd take well to that.

Rocket and Gamora, a green lady who looked like she could cut someone's face off with her pinky finger, were discussing science-y things with Tony, Jane, and Thor. Drax, a grey and red shirtless guy, was sitting standing near the window and looking at the city skyline.

The tree, Groot, who was an actual freaking tree, was petting Dum-E. A tree petting a robot. Darcy tried really hard to not think about it.

"Any special orders?" Darcy yelled. She looked up at the science group as she checked her purse for the essentials (phone, taser, keys, flask.) No one looked back. "Okay then. I'm out-ie."

"I can help," Peter offered from his seat on the couch opposite her. She had forgotten about him with the visual shock of his companions. Now he was totally normal looking. Still cute and wearing leather, but normal. She glanced at Tony, who finally looked in her direction and shrugged.

"Yeah, that'd be nice actually." Darcy slid her handbag onto her shoulder. "I'm just going to the lobby, but you can help carry drinks."

"I'm can do that. Do you think they'll have whipped cream? I've been craving it for about twenty seven years." Peter grinned and Darcy felt a flutter in her stomach. _Oh_. She smooshed the sudden image of Peter and a can of whipped cream way, way down where she would never think of it again, except maybe later tonight.

"Oh, they definitely have whipped cream. Lots of it." She coughed. "Um, I'm Darcy Lewis, by the way. Tony's assistant." She stood and motioned for Peter to follow her. "Let us leave this joint."

* * *

They walked to the elevator and Darcy sighed when the doors closed. Coffee sounded potentially life-changing right now. She definitely had a love/hate relationship with mornings, minus the love part.

Suddenly, Peter grabbed her arm and pointed to the elevator roof with it. "What is this? What is this?!" he demanded, waving her arm in the air.

"My limb, you clown," Darcy screeched, tearing her arm away and reaching into her purse. "Are you choosing to be crazy now? In an elevator?! I will not hesitate to kick you in the balls and/or tase you!" For a moment she wished Captain America was there to unleash his potent elevator ass-kicking.

Peter looked at her, confused. "Oh no, shit. I didn't mean that. It's this music. I've never heard it."

Darcy relaxed, but kept a nervous hand in her bag. "Sweet baby Jesus, you need to not do that ever again. And you're excited about this? I'm know Tony picks this shit just to drive me insane." Peter was concentrating on listening so hard that she worried he'd pull a brain muscle.

"Yo, space cowboy, don't hurt yourself. It's just Taylor Swift. They don't have Pandora out there?"

He shook his head. "I've had one tape for over twenty years. I just got another one a couple of months ago."

"Tapes? Wait. Cassette tapes?" Darcy swore she felt her soul break into a million pieces at his solemn nod. "Dude. _Dude_. I will grant you one of my old iPods." She put her hand on his (delightfully well-defined) bicep and gave him her most serious look. "Your life is about to get so good."

* * *

They came back to the penthouse twenty minutes later with trays of drinks in hand. Darcy set her tray on the kitchen counter and turned to the living room with her hands on her hips. Tony was laying on his stomach on the ground with a very pissed off raccoon standing on his back.

"Way to be cool, guys," Darcy said. "This is why you need me here, Tony. You are a menace to society and cannot be trusted around objects both animate and inanimate."

Rocket tightened his grip on Tony's hands and Tony looked over his shoulder at him. They started at each other for a moment, then at Darcy, and yelled in unison. "He started it!"


	3. Chapter 3

It didn't take long to squash whatever had happened between Tony and Rocket, and that boosted Darcy's mood considerably. She didn't feel like mopping up fur and Tony's face from the floor. Luckily, it seemed they both learned their lesson: Tony knew to avoid comments about the raccoon's nature and Rocket didn't try to kill Tony when he did. Or, he gave him ten seconds to backtrack first.

Besides, there was a lot of work to do.

Darcy handed Jane a cup of coffee and listened to her talk about infinity stones, some of which had been hanging around Earth recently and the Avengers had previously dealt with them. The tessaract was supposedly safe back in Asgard, but Loki's staff had been lost after SHIELD fell. The team had next to zero leads to its location, but was taking any sliver of a clue and following it. If they could find the tessaract via gamma radiation, then Bruce proposed they could possibly try a similar technique on the staff. Jane explained all of this, then ran off to the lab mid-sentence. Typical.

Darcy spun on a stool at the kitchen counter and looked at Tony over her coffee cup with each rotation. He was typing furiously at one of the holo-screens. "So, it sounds like what Jane was trying to tell me... is that we've practically been begging the big, scary aliens to come and kill us all because we can't just leave shiny things alone?"

"Nail on the head, Lewis," Tony replied and winked at her. "You'd think we have a death wish or something."

He looked exhausted despite supposedly sleeping last night and drinking God knows how much coffee already this morning. Darcy heard he was messed up from New York and the Mandarin, but she didn't have a frame of reference for what he was like before given that she'd only worked for him for a couple of months. She hoped Pepper Potts would be back from her business trip to Hong Kong soon. Nobody could handle a cranky Tony like Pepper and Darcy worried that he would say or do something super shitty to one of the new guests. Tony generally meant well enough, but his brain-to-mouth filter was worse than her own.

Looking around the penthouse, Darcy tried to determine what she needed to do next. So far this morning, an alien spacecraft had landed on the patio, the Avengers learned that Earth was in some potentially deep shit, and she was now watching a group of impeccable male specimens do manual labor in the beautiful summer sunshine. Not quite how she thought today's paperwork run would go, but not bad.

Peter, Thor, and Drax were outside cleaning from the morning's crash landing and moving the remains of the jacuzzi. Apparently no one outside of the building seemed to care that a mysterious space craft crashed into Avengers Tower. (Really, was it all that surprising?)

"If you're done ogling," Tony said with more humor than Darcy liked. "Could you make sure that we have food and rooms set up for everyone? I called in the cavalry but they won't be in until late tonight, and who knows what the fuck we're supposed to feed a tree."

"I am Groot," Groot said from the living room where he was holding up a piece of equipment for Rocket to work on.

"I've got him taken care of," Rocket said, not looking up from his work. "And I'll eat anything."

"Really? I wouldn't have guessed," Tony snarked, earning a snarl from Rocket.

"Shut up, Tony." Darcy tossed her empty coffee cup at his head. "Don't start nothing, won't be nothing." She walked towards the living room and placed herself in front of Rocket's glare. "What do you want to eat?"

Rocket glanced up at her and quickly turned back to his tools. "I really don't give a shit." She put her hands on her hips and he paused, wrench in hand. "But if you're gonna annoy me about it, I'd eat grapes."

"Alright, alright." She smirked. "I'll leave you alone... and order grapes."

Darcy spent the next two hours ordering groceries and preparing accommodations for everyone. The tower had five residential floors, penthouse aside, and each floor had two suites. Most of the Avengers had a suite to themselves, with Jane shacking up with Thor and Darcy sharing their floor. Two floors were currently empty, so Darcy looked them over and stocked the fridges.

When she returned to the penthouse, Tony and Rocket were nowhere to be found.

"Jaaaarv," she said, feeling her blood pressure creep up with each breath. "Are those two off murdering each other somewhere? Did they wrestle off the roof?"

"Misters Stark, Raccoon, and Groot are in the laboratory with Doctor Banner," Jarvis coolly replied. "They are experimenting with gamma radiation sensor sensitivity for-"

"Okay, okay, I got it!" Darcy rubbed her hands down her face and walked towards the patio. "Science. That's all I need to know."

The heavy lifters had done an exceptional job at cleaning up and had gotten a little creative, too. Where once had been a jacuzzi was now a fire pit. It was getting later in evening now and the sun was lower in the sky. Thor, Peter, and Drax were sitting around the fire with beers in hand. Darcy looked around for Gamora, suddenly terrified that she was right behind her.

"She's not here," Peter said. "Natasha, I think? She was here and they hit it off in a 'most-dangerous-women-in-the-universe' way and left. It was hot and creepy and I don't want to know what they're doing right now."

"Hmm." Darcy chewed her lip thoughtfully, then nodded. "I ship it." She pulled an empty chair up to the fire and grabbed a bottle of beer from the cooler next to Peter. "Now, this. This is a genius idea. I could kiss whoever thought of it."

"I supplied this idea," Drax said as he smiled shyly. Darcy decided that look was both absolutely terrifying and adorable.

"You did?" She gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Nice job." He smiled again, less shyly this time, and leaned back in his chair.

"I helped!" Peter scooted his chair closer and looked at Darcy with puppy eyes. "I helped, so what does that get me?" Darcy leaned towards him and wiggled her eyebrows. He wiggled his back.

"Jack shit," she whispered, then fell back into her seat with a laugh. "Does that face ever work?"

Peter clutched his bottle to his chest and feigned shock. "I'm hurt, Darcy. I am so super genuine. 24/7 genuine guy here. And, yes, it does work."

"Sure, bub." Darcy winked, then held her hand up. "Wait - I do have something for you." She dug in her pocket and pulled out an iPod adorned with a multitude of faded Spice Girls stickers. She placed it gingerly in his hand. "I bequeath upon you this most glorious treasure. It's loaded with all the classics, moldy oldies, jams both jock and slow, pop sensations, and guilty pleasures. You can listen straight through, but I recommend the playlist route for the really good shit."

"Seriously?" Peter stared at the iPod, then at Darcy. "This is one of the coolest things anybody has ever given me. Thanks, Darcy!" He smiled at her and Darcy definitely did not blush at all.

"No problemo, Star-kid," she said, ducking her head to pick at the label on her beer. "Anything I can do to spread peace, love, and Justin Timberlake to the rest of the galaxy."

"I don't know who that is," he said as he held the iPod closer to his face and examined the stickers. "But I'd be more than happy to spread some love to these ladies."

Darcy looked up with a glare and flicked her bottle cap at his head. "Hey! Show some respect for my babes! Girl power!"

"Miss Lewis," Jarvis called from the nearest outdoor speaker. "Captain Rogers and Mister Wilson have arrived with the food you ordered."

"Aww, yes!" she said, high-fiving Thor. "Mother chuckin' Patriotic Pepperoni Pizza Sunday!"

Thor grinned broadly and pumped a fist in the air. "Gods bless 'Merica!"


	4. Chapter 4

Darcy woke up at 6:04 AM, twenty-six minutes before her alarm. She laid on her back, spread out like a starfish, and stared at the ceiling.

"There are...," she said out loud and started counting off on her fingers. "Thor, Gamora, Drax, Rocket, Groot, Peter... Five and a half aliens in this building."

She slapped her hand back down on the bed then rolled onto her stomach with a groan.

_Aliens._

Magic aside, Thor was easy to deal with. He was just a built dude who liked drinking beer and using a hammer. If she didn't think about it too hard, she could pretend he was a Shakespeare-obsessed method actor who dabbled in bodybuilding and carpentry. Contemplating space made her feel tiny and insignificant and like a gum wrapper in a gigantic garbage dump. With just Thor, she could pretend that she still didn't know what was out there. She could be like all of the other people on Earth - the civilians - who knew about the Chitauri, Loki, and Thor, but chose to ignore this new reality. Life was now on a galactic, rather than global, scale and it was pants-peeingly terrifying.

But these new people? The threat of someone or something who was bigger and badder than the big and bad things she'd already seen? Darcy struggled to figure out how to put that in a tidy little box to ignore for all eternity.

Jane knew science. Her brain could take in these facts without hesitation. Darcy loved Jane, but she wished the woman would at least act scared of these new developments, if only so Darcy would feel less alone. That was the most difficult part of working with extraordinary people - she was the only ordinary one here. How was an ordinary, non-super-powered, non-genius person supposed to deal with with a threat from outer space?

She smacked her hand on the alarm clock before it could finish the first beep. Darcy pushed herself up and off the bed, into her cozy slippers, and padded to the bathroom.

_First things first, breakfast_, she thought as she washed her face. She paused. _Wait. Do they eat breakfast in space? What do I feed a tree? Miracle-Gro?_ She dried her face, shoved her hair into a horrifically messy ponytail, and stared at her tired reflection in the mirror.

_What is my life?  
_

* * *

Jane eyed her plate suspiciously. "Is that supposed to be an egg?" She poked the yellow blob with her fork and it jiggled. "Is this egg jello? Did this come from a real chicken? Is it edi-" Darcy cut her off with a glare and pointed a spatula at her face.

"Oh, you'll eat that, Janey. You'll eat it and pretend to like it." Darcy brought the spatula down to flip a pancake on the griddle she'd set up on the island in the common floor's kitchen. _Shit_. Burned. Burned like its poor brothers and sisters that came before. Jane looked up from her plate to stare at the plate of ruined pancakes.

"That's a lot of carcinogens there, Darcy. In my professional opinion, we can't eat any of this. We will die. Immediately."

"I don't get it! Is there a secret step I'm missing? Does Thor have a magic spatula or whisk I can borrow?" She threw the obviously bad luck spatula in the sink.

Jane took a small bite of 'egg' and spit it out without chewing. "Oh God." She shuddered and shoved the plate as far away as possible. "I think the problem is that you never cook and you live off of Bagel Bites and orange soda."

Darcy gaped at her. "Like you're one to judge, miss Pop-tarts-and-coffee-all-day-err'-day." She looked down at the pile of pancakes and grabbed one to try a bite. It crunched in her mouth. "Okay, you're right. As per usual." Jane preened. "But don't let it get to your head or anything. I just get really ambitious when I'm nervous!" Darcy leaned forward and put her head on the counter.

"I don't know why you're getting yourself worked up," Jane said, patting the back of Darcy's head. "You don't have to do all of this. No one is expecting this from you."

"That's the thing," Darcy mumbled. She propped her head on her hand and shrugged. "No one expects _anything_ from me here because I don't have super smarts or powers to offer. I want to help, but my expertise is more in scientist wrangling and paper pushing. I somehow doubt the galactic super-villain is planning on a surprise expense report attack."

"If you weren't useful, you wouldn't be here," Jane said, shaking her head. She walked around the counter and held Darcy's arms. "You help me everyday, but I know that you'll also find your own place in all of this. Just give it time, Darce." She hugged the younger woman for a moment before Darcy relented and hugged back.

"You're giving me a cavity, but I'll allow it this one time." Darcy smiled, feeling a little less anxious now. Jane could be a trip to deal with sometimes (the woman went through at least four sugar highs everyday), but she was easily Darcy's closest friend right now.

"Jarvis," she called out, moving back to the counter to clean up her disastrous attempt at cooking. "Order the works!"

* * *

Less than an hour later, the kitchen was filled with every imaginable breakfast food ordered from local restaurants. The tower's residents were steadily streaming in and loading up their plates at the buffet Darcy and Jane had set up. Steve and Thor ate from shared plates entirely made of toast, sausage, and eggs. Peter showed Drax and Gamora the wonders of pancakes. Rocket sniffed every offering before settling on a bowl of fruit and granola. Groot seemed satisfied with eating the garnishes. Darcy was also 90% sure she saw Natasha sneak out with a stack of waffles topped with strawberries and whipped cream.

Sam nudged her with his elbow and pointed to her plate of Eggs Benedict with his fork. "You gonna eat that?" he asked around a mouthful of bacon and pancakes with syrup. ("Multitasking," he'd said. "Key for not starving around Steve.") He narrowed his eyes at her. "Staring is rude, you know."

"Shut it," she said, nudging him back. "And don't talk with your mouth full." She took a big bite of her own food. Way better than hockey puck pancakes.

"Good Morning!" Two hands clamped down on Darcy and Sam's shoulders, making them both yelp and sputter. The voice let out a loud guffaw.

"Holy shit snacks, Barton," Darcy said after taking two large gulps of water. "You gotta stop doing that. Your elderly heart may just give out one day." Clint clutched his chest and glared at her.

"Ouch, Darce. Just because you're a preschooler - doesn't mean I'm old. In fact, I'm pretty spry for my age." He winked at her dramatically.

"Yeah, and that's why you spent all morning sitting in a recliner watching Antiques Roadshow. Because you're young." She grinned mischievously when he glowered at her. "You can't hide from me, Clint Barton. I have eyes everywhere. Literally. Jarvis gives me all the dirt."

"Hey hey hey!" Tony shouted, jumping from his seat and almost spilling a glass of orange juice (_Nice save, Banner_.) "We've got a hit on the energy signature. Pull it up, Jarvis!"

A world map appeared on the large wall behind the dining table and everyone moved around for a better view. Lines crisscrossed the map and dots marked potential leads. One dot glowed brighter than the others. The image zoomed in on the dot's location in Eastern Europe.

"Latvia," Darcy said, making everyone turn and look at her. "What? I like maps!"

Steve, ignoring this, walked to the wall and turned to look at the group. "We'll take a stealth team out for this. We're in and out to get the scepter, if it's still there. No need to go in guns blazing. Falcon, Widow, Hawkeye, and...," he looked towards the newcomers standing at the far side of the dining room. "Gamora?" She nodded.

"More than ready."

"Good. Finish your breakfast, everyone, and suit up. Tony, how soon can we get wheels up?" Steve asked, moving swiftly into his full Captain America demeanor. Darcy had to fight a giggle down. Only a few minutes ago he was arguing with Thor over the last piece of toast, both trying to get the other one to take it. She didn't know him too well, but he was always sweet to her. The fact that he could throw a guy like a tennis ball was slightly terrifying.

"One hour, Cap," Tony replied, typing away on his phone. "And try not to blow up my jet. I've finally got my seat just how I like it."

Steve glared at Tony, who didn't bother to look up. "I'll do my best."

* * *

NOTE: Thanks for reading! I just noticed that FFN wasn't uploading my chapters properly, so I'm going back and fixing some formatting issues. (It didn't include my line breaks, so I imagine reading might have been confusing at times! Sorry about that.) Follow me at prettywhiteclouds on tumblr for update info. Thanks, again!


	5. Chapter 5

"That is the most bad-ass bunch of people ever," Darcy said as she watched Sam, Steve, Gamora, Natasha, and Clint climb into two SUVs on the private garage level of the tower. She and Jane waved and smiled at them.

"They're the cool kids." Jane sighed. Darcy poked her shoulder.

"What does that make us? The ones who stay in and hang out with the teacher during recess?"

"Exactly. The super cool kids." Jane giggled and walked back towards the elevator. Darcy watched the SUVs drive up the ramp and gave a final wave before following Jane. Her phone vibrated and she pulled it out of her back pocket to check it. A message from Pepper appeared on the screen.

"Okay, boss lady, bigger boss lady beckons," she said, leaning against the railing in the elevator. "I'll come up and grab my bag but I'll be gone most of the day running errands for Pepper. Can you babysit? Alternatively, can you have Thor babysit since you'll forget as soon as you get upstairs?"

Jane rolled her eyes. "Yes, I can do that." Darcy coughed. "Ask Thor to do that, I mean."

* * *

Darcy shoved essentially her entire room into her purse before deciding she was ready to go. You never knew when you might need hand sanitizer, antacids, or a banana, her mom had told her. Best to be prepared for any situation. Okay, maybe she hadn't specifically said a banana.

She tugged the bag onto her shoulder and headed back to the common room. It was deserted save for one recently-landed space dude who was bobbing his head to music she could faintly hear from the buds in his ears. Darcy walked up to Peter and waved, prompting him to take the headphones out.

"Hey, Darcy," he said, smiling but struggling to pause the iPod. "Thanks, again, for the music. There's so much here and I feel like I could listen to it forever and never hear the same thing twice."

"Don't mention it, bud." She leaned down to help him with the device. "This thing's old as dirt so you have to push it the right way… there. Let it be paused!"

Darcy looked back up from the iPod and realized she was mere inches from Peter's face. He grinned even wider and she quickly straightened back up to adjust her bag.

"Alright! Well, okay then," she stammered, turning around toward the elevator. "I'm off to run some errands. Enjoy the music!" Peter jumped off the couch and jogged over to join her in front of the elevator.

"Wait - can I come with?" He looked at her pleadingly and Darcy felt a little sympathetic. "I've always wanted to go to New York City and now I'm here, but I'm sitting in a tower like a princess or something."

"Well, _Princess Peter_," Darcy said, enjoying his glare and feeling a bit more like herself than ten seconds ago. "You can follow me around today if you promise to not get all Thor-y and talk loudly about how space hot dogs are different from Earth hot dogs. I really don't feel like getting carted off to the loony bin today."

"Deal."

* * *

Although Peter obviously meant well, he had started to grate on Darcy's nerves after their third stop at a hot dog stand.

"Seriously, dude," she said as she handed a couple of dollars to the stand operator. "How are you still hungry and why-oh-why are you eating this many hot dogs? There are so many other options."

Peter waved his hand at her and proceeded to pile onions on this hot dog. "You're the one who brought 'em up, Darcy." He took a large bite and sauce squirted out onto his chin. "It's your own fault."

"You are an honest-to-Thor mess." Darcy shoved napkins at him as she rolled her eyes. "Hurry up and eat, but that's your last one. I have to pick up a package for Pepper at a place down the street and I am not showing up with a Kobayashi-wannabe."

"A Koba-what-what?"

"Nevermind, just concentrate on chewing." Darcy rolled her eyes, again, which she felt she'd be doing a lot of around this guy. She was watching him try (and fail) to eat his hot dog in two more bites when her phone vibrated - Pepper Potts again, calling this time.

"Hi, Pepper," she said, pushing all annoyance out of her tone. "I'm on my way to grab the legal documents now."

"Thanks, Darcy, but when did you leave? I've been trying to reach Tony and there's no answer at the tower or on his cell." She paused and Darcy swore she heard a shake in her boss' voice. "I can't reach Jarvis, Darcy."

Darcy felt her heart rate jump and she whirled around to face the direction they'd come from. She could see the tower and there wasn't anything weird going on around it - so no visible attack from outside.

"Darcy?"

"Sorry, Pepper," she said, forcing her focus back to the other woman. "I don't see anything off from outside the tower. I'll try calling too."

Pepper didn't sound relieved. "Okay, but don't go in. I'm calling Rhodey. Stay in touch, please."

"I will. Talk to you soon." Darcy tapped her phone to end the call and immediately dialled Jane's number, which went straight to voicemail. She tried Tony - same result. Even the tower reception line was off.

"What's wrong?" Darcy turned around to see Peter looking at her. He actually looked serious and concerned, despite the mustard on his lip. "Is everything okay?"

"Uh, no," Darcy said. She couldn't keep her voice from shaking either. "Something is definitely wrong." She closed her eyes and counted to ten, willing her heart to slow back down. "This is so not good. The spy kids are out-of-town, the scientists and various supers are probably gone, and Jarvis is too. We. Are. Fucked."


End file.
